Thursday
Jun072007
This is not a pity party.
Thursday, June 7, 2007 at 2:14PM
I was going to write a whole list of things that were bothering me, but then I realized that for various reasons, I couldn't list certain things because of who may or may not see my blog entries (ooooh...mysterious, eh?).
So I'm just gonna say it. I'm pretty anxiety filled these days. There are a number of things wrong with my life - many self-inflicted - and a number of things that aren't really wrong but could use some big-time change. I'm not writing this because I want/need sympathy. I just need to write it down, that I may memorialize my thoughts of the day. That I may vent a bit. That I may share my current mood with unseen tens of readers. That I may look back on this entry in better times and reflect on the Grace of the Lord God to have pulled me through this funk of mine, circa June 2007.
But still I have to sum up the over-arching theme of my mental miasma: I desire to feel significant, but feel completely opposite.
Is this a valid reason to whine and mope as I so do? Of course it isn't. It's probably a combination of ambition and juvenile delusions of popularity. But it's how I feel these days - wishing to carve my mark on the world through some creative endeavor yet being aware of my own incapability.
Bah. I'll probably come out of it in a few months, and then I'll laugh at myself and such lofty yet empty goals.
So I'm just gonna say it. I'm pretty anxiety filled these days. There are a number of things wrong with my life - many self-inflicted - and a number of things that aren't really wrong but could use some big-time change. I'm not writing this because I want/need sympathy. I just need to write it down, that I may memorialize my thoughts of the day. That I may vent a bit. That I may share my current mood with unseen tens of readers. That I may look back on this entry in better times and reflect on the Grace of the Lord God to have pulled me through this funk of mine, circa June 2007.
But still I have to sum up the over-arching theme of my mental miasma: I desire to feel significant, but feel completely opposite.
Is this a valid reason to whine and mope as I so do? Of course it isn't. It's probably a combination of ambition and juvenile delusions of popularity. But it's how I feel these days - wishing to carve my mark on the world through some creative endeavor yet being aware of my own incapability.
Bah. I'll probably come out of it in a few months, and then I'll laugh at myself and such lofty yet empty goals.
tagged General
General
Reader Comments (5)
I understand, I have been thinking through some of the same things lately.
The Eisenhower's (Dwight D's parents) supposedly instilled in their children the philosophy that the world would be deficient without their contribution to it. Kind of a crazy thought, and certainly not the way I have lived my life. Obviously in Dwight D's case, it is hard to deny his contributions to the world. Interesting to think about what is possible when you believe that about yourself.
No answers here on this issue, but possibly a little food for thought.
I'm pretty sure I must be one of the reasons you can't freely write out your thoughts and frustrations here in public.
Whatever personal harm I've inflicted or unconscionably aggravating habit I've developed to cause you such angst, the least (and most) I can offer at this point is a sincere apology and this humble morsel of amusement:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/333345372.html
Alexis, you rock my freakin' socks off. That was HILARIOUS. And dare I ask, was it my use of the word, "miasma" that linked my post with that hilarious Craigslist entry?
I honestly can't remember my exact thoughts, but probably miasma triggered it. That, and the fact that I read it about 4 times yesterday so it was constantly on my mind, and was easily the most cheering thing I could think of to offer anyone in need.
Seriously great writing, eh?
Yeah, it was quite um...detailed :-)
I was laughing so hard as I read that piece that Valerie could hear me downstairs over my blasting music and her playing Legend of Zelda.